If you are a man and have ever thought to yourself, “Women are impossible to understand!” this book is for you.
A follow-up to the bestselling version for women, For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women analyzes research done by husband and wife duo Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn seeking to help men understand the inner lives of women.
The book addresses a number of issues mainly falling into the following categories: reassurance, emotions, decoding mixed messages, needs for security, listening, sex, and the need to feel beautiful. There is a fold-out Quick Start Guide in the back of book that summarizes the main things taught in the book, and would likely prove worth the price of the book itself to many guys!
The Feldhahn’s research method included nationally representative surveys, focus groups, and personal interviews with men and women, and gives a profoundly helpful glimpse into how females often think. This book is not a silver bullet to every problem men experience with women, but provides a practical roadmap to understand what women value in certain situations, shedding light on what was previously “impossible” to understand. No doubt that is one reason why the Feldhahn’s have sold over 2 million books to date in this series!
Although the authors do not base their ideas directly on Scripture, the content is essentially a practical help for fulfilling the repeated command of Ephesians 5: “husbands, love their wives as Christ loved the church.” The book is also highly relevant for non Christians who desire to understand better how females think.
Personally, I found this book extremely practical in explaining how women think. Many of the ideas presented in For Men Only were either immediately applicable, or shed helpful light on my experiences. The book is a fairly quick read at under 200 pages and uses an engaging and digestible format with graphics and important quotes that stand out. I highly recommend this book for men or its counterpart for women, For Women Only.
Here are a few helpful suggestions from the book:
- During an argument, men should not storm off angrily if they need some time to think. Rather they should say, “I’m angry right now, and I need some space, but I want you to know that we’re okay.”
- Many women have involuntary emotional “pop-ups” in their mind bringing up past emotional pains. Instead of telling her to stop thinking about one of those painful memories, encourage her to do what it takes to settle that concern and move on.
- When you find a woman to be unreasonable, assume there is a legitimate reason behind the thing that looks unreasonable to you. Keep trying to discover the thing that bothers her. This helps her feel reassured of your love.
- Providing security for a woman does not have to do much (if anything in some cases) with money. Providing security means that she feels the two of you are close, that you prioritize spending time with her, and that you make an effort to provide. She more values emotional security than financial security.
- Little things like a text message or thoughtful note may have the biggest impact when it comes to letting her know you care for her.
- Men want to give suggestions to fix a problem instead of listening. Women want men to listen to the problem, regardless of their potential solutions. Women are usually receptive to potential solutions only after they feel like they have been listened to.