A practical handbook on how to fight better—together—for your marriage.

In every marriage, there is conflict. And with every conflict, there is a choice for resolution. Will you ignore the issue until it seemingly goes away? Or will you work together to find peace?

In Don’t Go to Bed Angry, Deb and Ron DeArmond give you permission to fight. Conflict isn’t the problem, after all; the real issue is how we deal with the conflict. Deb and Ron demonstrate how communication through conflict can safeguard—and even strengthen—your relationship. Immensely practical features including worksheets and discussion questions make this a definitive go-to resource to help you start fighting—together—for your marriage.

GENRE: Nonfiction, Christian, Marriage Help
PUBLISHER: Abingdon Press
RELEASE DATE: June 21, 2016
PAGES: 208


Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight

Marriage is god’s plan ; it has been since the beginning. But, it is naive for couples to believe that strong marriages never encounter conflict. The truth is, god’s math is tough to add up: 1 + 1 = 1. It requires a merged existence. The merge has to be about the product of the merger, not the conflict of the process. -DeArmond

As a pastor who has worked with many couples before marriage, during marriage and at crisis points in marriage I have come to learn common challenges in marriage that are important to focus on. By far the two biggest factors are conflict resolution and communication. Deb and Ron DeArmond have wrote abook that can serve as a practical resource and guide for couples at any and all stages of marriage that focuses heavily on these two important aspects of marriage and much more.

Communication and conflict resolution are skills that we learn early in life from relationships that we see and often times we mirror these patterns and unknowingly carry patterns of communication and conflict resolution into our marriages. Some couples don’t really fight and this is usually the result of one or more of the spouses in the marriage using a more passive style of conflict resolution that avoids conflict but as many couples learn isn’t a helpful way of resolving conflict. This has been my mistake in the past. At one point I thought if I avoided conflict it would be better but quickly learned it allowed patterns to form in marriage that were not helpful and very difficult to undo. I no longer avoid conflict but embrace it; however even this transition can be improved upon by adding in the right skills, motives, and methods. This book will serve valuable in navigating these difficulties.

Marriage is a continual work in progress; we never truly arrive at a place where we can say, “Well, then, that’s it. We’ve got it nailed.”

The nine chapters are broken down into six categories:

  1. Burdens,
  2. Baggage,
  3. Bridges,
  4. Barriers,
  5. Boundaries,
  6. and Blessings.

Each chapter includes helpful, easy to absorb information and practical guidance as well as insight from surveys the authors conducted and conversations they had with couples who graciously shared their experiences with Deb & Ron. The chapters each end with a section called “Put on the Gloves” which provides questions to complete individually and then discuss together as a couple, as well as a prayer to pray together.  I found the section on the Four Conflict Styles (in chapter 5) and the chapter on Communication Traps (chapter 6) to be the most insightful because it gives the reader skills that are helpful and practical at strengthening these two important aspects of marriage. I also liked the inclusion of goal setting as a couple which was mentioned throughout the book and especially reinforced in Chapter 9 which included some great suggestions.

This is a book that I want to go back and read with my wife too so we can work through the helpful discussion questions, scriptures, and prayers at the end of each chapter. I will also find the Appendix section very helpful as a quick-reference tool for various chapters and for additional tools to use.

Don’t Go to Bed Angry (Stay up and Fight) is full of practical insight and solid truth to help you learn how to fight fair and recognize who the enemy is – and isn’t – in your relationship. And ultimately, the most important aspect of this book is how it points you individually and as a couple to Jesus and teaches you how to make a plan for your marriage with Him at the center of it. A must-have for any newly-weds, married-for-a-whiles, or barely-still-marrieds. There is hope, and Deb & Ron DeArmond help you fight for it.
Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight


NOTE: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.